Eketi Edima Ette
(This message is mainly for unmarried people like myself, who are trying to navigate the waters of singlehood and still stay chaste).
“Eketi, you don’t get it. I’m actually offering to take away your virginity for free. Men aren’t marrying virgins anymore o. So I’m doing you a favour. Your husband will thank me. You see my babe, she wasn’t a virgin when we met. We men don’t have the energy for you women’s disvirgining drama. See, if you die now without “doing” it’s ants that’ll eat it in the grave o!”
I was 16 years old when this 28 year old man offered to “help me” get rid of my hymen.
When I was ten years old, I thought I knew all about sex. You see, that’s when my mother gave me a detailed sex education; the difference between the penis and the vagina and what happens when the two come together in copulation. She was a biology teacher, so she also drew diagrams.
As she talked, all I wanted was for the ground to open up and swallow me. Embarrassed. Mortified. Discomfited.
But the woman no look my face; she just dey talk dey go.
Unlike some of my friends whose mothers told them they’d get pregnant just by being touched by a man, I didn’t have the benefit of such ignorance. Mum said that as a Christian, my body is the temple of the Holy Spirt and it’d be a wonderful thing for me to honour God with my body. One way of doing so was not to have premarital sex. She also said it’d be a “gift” for my husband.
Along the line, I grew up and decided I wasn’t going to be chaste because of what Mum said or for a man. I was going to do it for me, and because I love Jesus. I would wait till marriage.
When I was 13 and four of my mates got together and decided to have sex as their birthday presents to themselves. When they did, they began to act like they were superior to me. But I paid them no mind.
When the world went crazy and being a virgin became very unfashionable, to the point where some people verbally abused me for being one, and tried to shame me into having sex, I held on. “Sufferhead. The last Nigerian virgn,” they’d say. “You don’t know what you’re missing!” “If you start having sex early, you won’t have pains during childbirth.” Through the lies, I held on.
Sex no get expiry date. Being chaste is nothing to be ashamed of.
When I saw the havoc and the high cost of premarital sex in many lives around me, I held on. When some people would openly boast about their body counts and yet tell me to shut up, that my virginity should be a private matter, I held on.
Some even felt that by being a virgin, I was judging them who weren’t—I still don’t see the logic nor understand the connection sha. We dey waka different roads. How my car come take jam ya car?
Today, I am 29 years old and I am still waiting.
Let me be honest: waiting is darn hard and I am neither Superwoman nor a saint. In fact, it took me years to learn that virginity is useless without sexual purity. I found out the hard way, that watching porn, making out, and doing every-every, without actual penetration only made me an addict and a fraud. My walk to sexual purity was a long and hard one. But through Christ, I made it.
There have been times when konji has nearly killed me. Ayayai! Those times eh, I’ll be like pussycat, looking for somebody to do gum-body with.
There are times when I tell myself, “Which kain suffer be dis sef? Who dey send you work? All these running, praying, playing PS4 and FIFA to distract yourself and baffing cold water—will not help you. Find somborri and do de sontin!”
I’ve had several arguments with Baba God—“Papa, did you really mean pre-marital sex is a sin? Maybe these people misinterpreted what you said—you know, lost in translation kinda thing. Are you sure? Ehen? But what if I do it only once—eezit still bad? Youdonmeanit! Ok nah.”
I’ve seen up close, the kind of intimate bond that sex can bring in a marriage. I know that it’s a beautiful thing.
That’s why I’m waiting for that special man, who will match this special woman, move for move, thrust for thrust. No uncertainties, no comparisons.
I am waiting for that man, who knows that this woman has almost 30 years of bottled up passion to unleash and is ready to receive it all. And when that time come…..hehehehehhe….God help him!
And even if that special man never comes along, I’d still wait.
I wait because I love Baba God and this temple of his deserves honour.