Square Pegs and Round Holes


October 2013

Get Hitched or Die Trying

Ladies and gentlemen, it is my pleasure to introduce Fuvwe Ziregbe, our guest writer. She is out guns blazing and taking no prisoners on the very endemic “marriage-or-nothing” syndrome that a lot of women suffer from. This whole mindset that you are nobody till somebody hooks you has got her riled up…and justifiably too. I have often wondered why many young ladies behave like they’re waiting for a man to “ask” before they can begin to live their lives.  Also, those that got it made early behave like they’re special and the ones still “searching” must have something wrong with their DNA or something.  They quickly forget the past and lord their new found Oga-Madam status over their single friends.
I’ll stop here. Let’s hear it from Fuvwe. I’m with her 100% on this one.
I have decided to re-caption my topic “Insecurities of married women” and post “Petty things young married women do”, however this is not unrelated. First of all, I personally think marriage is a beautiful thing that every woman should experience but these days ladies go into marriage for the wrong reasons. I believe every single lady should know herself worth before going into marriage. Some go in due to societal pressures. They have bought the idea that marriage is the ultimate goal women can achieve, which I believe is sexist because men do not come under such pressures. 
As a result many single ladies have been forced into spending their creative energies on that alone at the expense of developing themselves, at the end of the day they get in and find out it’s not utopia. This new army of newly married women (doesn’t apply to all) are beginning to get disillusioned because they feel trapped and short changed which leads to bottled frustration, progressive feeling of loss & insecurity and it manifests in a lot of ways- 
*Showboating- It is a good thing to show off the dividends of marriage but when you see a lady going to great extents to display “STUFFS” that should be private ,it just might be ‘her’ trying to give herself reasons why she is still hooked.
*Pushing the marriage button at every opportunity- Making it a point of duty to constantly pester their unmarried friends with marriage matters. Subconsciously and indirectly, what they mean is: “I ‘m better than you because I am married and you are not, so all your fine achievements don’t count for much since you are unmarried…I still have the edge”. Psychology tells us that superiority complex is an affected form of inferiority complex. Single ladies do not be fazed by such antics. A woman with self earned achievement under her belt will not do such.
*Less attractiveness- A lot of women are scared their husband do not find them attractive anymore. Truth is, if you took out time to find the best match for you, that should not be much of a problem. Note: a man who loves you for your looks would always go with your looks. Security and self worth should come from within you.
*Social media suicide- Lastly, there is this strange condition of social media suicide as well as unannounced “un-friending” amongst some…an attempt to pass home the point that levels have changed perhaps. Given, some social adjustment is justifiable but these radical methods leaves our eyebrows raised. What was it about your single hood you would not want your man to know now?
Sincere advice; be yourself, don’t change yourself, there is a reason he picked you out of the crowd.-
Fuvwe Ziregbe

Meeting Celebs – Naija Style!

Recently I saw an episode of AY’s Crib, and could not help laughing at the drama that ensued when AY’s girlfriend was going all gaga from meeting Desmond Elliott at a shopping mall. She actually got her fuming boyfriend to take shots of her and Desmond with her phone. It was an ordeal for the poor man’s ego.
Generally we the “normal” Nigerians are kind of arrogant around our showbiz personalities. We give them that “Eh ehn?” “And so?” “Who e be sef?” attitude, rather than fuss over them in an overly affectionate manner like they do in other climes. Once I was at a party in Lagos and there was a Nollywood dude who I knew from shopping at his fashion store. In fact I was there just a few days earlier and we had quite the banter. You know how it is – shop owner trying to tell you the latest trend and you’re having none of it. Subtle stubbornness and all. He tried to sell me a long sleeved Chairman Mao jacket! My wife would have shot me for wearing that stuff.
Anyway, back to the story. We meet again at a social event. Here he comes looking sharp and being ushered into a baby dedication luncheon, where I was also a guest. As usual, the groupies were beside themselves trying to go pay respect, pump fists, hug and take social media bound selfies, etc. As a sharp Naija man, I just “boned” in my corner watching. At some point he decides to play the bigger man and walk over to say whatsup. He ended up making me regret my unnecessary display of immaturity or insecurity? Sigh.
I once heard Ramsey Noah went visiting an old friend in Warri and ended up only leaving the house in the dead of the night, with police escort too. Apparently, star gazing fans had milled around the house in throngs waiting to mob their favourite Nollywood hunk. Not funny.
A nephew, who by the way is an aspiring musician, sat next to Common on a flight from Calgary to Los Angeles. Yes, in coach! He told us of how warm and friendly Common was. They had a good chat, with him getting tips on kick starting his musical career and all. Fancy if that had been him and Naeto C on a Lagos-Abuja flight. Maximum boning plus noise cancelling headphones and dark glasses would kill any thoughts of socializing.
One time my wife and I were travelling through an airport and Tuface gets ushered into the VIP section. As usual you straighten your gaze and pretend to read the paper, oblivious to the attention he is getting from airport staff that had shunted you since you got there.
And then my wife says the unthinkable: “Look, there’s Tuface. I think I should go over and say Hi”.
Can you believe that! If she was deluded enough not to get the message from my sharp scowl, I replied for good measure: “if you get up from that seat, just don’t come back!”
Wifey: Go away, you’re boring joor. Can’t you take a simple joke?
Me: You for try am.
So what has been your experience with meeting celebrities?  Have you had any star gazing situation that went well? How about one that resulted in some mild drama? Please kindly share with us by posting a comment.



(No spouse was harassed in making this movie.)

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