Square Pegs and Round Holes


November 2015

It is Well

Synopsis of a Nigerian Hospital Visit

[Visitor 1]: Sorry o brother. You’re looking really weak. What are the doctors saying?
[Patient]: (coughing) the doctor says my enemy has bronchitis
[Visitor 2]: (with stern expression) I reject this diagnosis and rebuke the tongue of that Doctor!


The Constitution on Nigerian Citizenship

Image Credit Okechukwu Ofili of

A Citizen as defined by the Oxford Dictionary is a person who has full rights in a country. A citizen could also be a person who is recognized by a country as being her citizen because such person possesses some characteristics (e.g. to be born in that country) which entitles him or her to some rights in that country. Under the Nigerian 1999 constitution, one may be a citizen either by birth, registration or by naturalization (see Section 25 – 32 of 1999 Constitution).


Citizenship by birth.

A citizen by birth in Nigeria is a person who was born in Nigeria before or after independence and whose parents or grandparents belonged to a community indigenous to Nigeria or any person born outside Nigeria either of whose parents is a citizen of Nigeria.


Citizenship by Registration.

The President may register any person as a citizen of Nigeria if he is satisfied that such person is of good character; he has shown a clear intention to be domiciled in Nigeria and has taken the Oath of Allegiance. Such persons are usually women who are married to Nigerians or people born outside Nigeria who are of full age capacity and either of whose grandparents are Nigerians.


Citizenship by Naturalization.

Any person may also apply to the President of Nigeria to be granted a certificate of naturalization. However such person must satisfy the following conditions:

–  He must be a person of full age and capacity;

– He is a person of good character;

– He has shown a clear intention to be domiciled in Nigeria;

– He is in the opinion of the Governor where he plans to reside to be acceptable to the local community as has assimilated the way of life of Nigerians;

– He has made or is capable of making contributions to the advancement; progress and well – being of Nigeria;

– He has taken the Oath of Allegiance;

– He has resided in Nigeria for a period of fifteen (15) year;

– He has resided in Nigeria for a period of 12 months and preceding that, has stayed in Nigeria for periods amounting in aggregate to not less than fifteen years.


Persons who are citizens by registration or by naturalization may forfeit their Nigerian citizenship if he retains or acquires the citizenship of another country where he is not a citizen by birth and any person who is of full age capacity may renounce his Nigerian citizenship by declaration and the President shall cause the declaration to be registered. Such declaration will however not be accepted if made during any war in which Nigeria is physically involved or is contrary to public policy in the opinion of the President.


Any citizen of Nigeria by registration or naturalization may be deprived of his citizenship if within 7 years after becoming a citizen such person is sentenced to imprisonment of not less than 3 years or if he has conducted himself in ways that shows disloyalty towards the Federal Republic of Nigeria.


- See more at:

Common Warri Proverbs…

“Crase no hard to form, na the trekking be wahala.
” English translation: “Easier said than done.

“No matter how hot your temper be, e no fit boil beans.
” English Translation: Calm down, your temper won’t solve the problem.

“Chicken wey run from Borno go Ibadan go still end up inside pot of soup.
” English Translation: You can’t run away from your destiny.

“Today’s newspaper na tomorrow Suya wrap.
” English translation: Keep calm! Nothing lasts forever.

“Cow wey dey in a hurry to go America go come back as corn beef.
” English Translation: Just be patient. Let the game come to you. Don’t rush!

“Akara and moin moin get the same parent,na wetin dem pass through make dem different.
” English Translation: How you start doesn’t matter, what matters is how you finish.

“Leave matter for Mathias and Sabi for Sabinus.
” English Translation: Give everyone what they deserve.

“The difference between puff-puff and doughnut na packaging.” 
English Translation: Don’t judge based on appearance alone.

“Escort me, Escort me, na im slave trade take start.
” English translation: Serious things sometimes start like a joke.

“Water wey dem take make eba no fit return”.
” English translation: Don’t cry over spilled milk.

“No be today yansh dey back”
English: The more things change the more they stay the same
“Na clap dem take dey enter dance”
English: Once you start its out of your control

“At all at all na winsh”
English: Half bread is better than none

“I get am before no be property” 
English: Don’t rest on your laurels

“Who no go no know”
English: Experience is the best teacher

“NO be the way dem take dey drink water dem dey drink peppersoup”
English: Adapt your plans to new situations

“I no fit climb – na ground dem for dey talk am”
English: Do not start what you cant finish

“Who dey cry dey see road”
English: Use common sense even in sorrow

“I no gree, I no gree na im dey tear trouser
English: Avoid conflict from the beginning…know when to let go

“Na cooperation make rice dey ful pot”
English: You can achieve more with team work

“Feel at home naim dey spoil TV”
English: Don’t be too comfortable to the extent of fiddling with other people’s property

“Bring suya, bring suya, na nama (cow) body dey suffer am”
English: every action has a consequence

“Pickin wey take agbada start guy go talk wetin go wear when e don old”
English: Slow and steady wins the race. Don’t hurry through life’s stages.

“Cassava today naim dey be garri tomorrow”
English: No condition is permanent

“if your neigbour bear bear catch fire, you go quick soak your own for water”
English: Prevention is better than cure

“Small pikin wey talk say e go shake iroko tree,na im head e go shake”
English: Know your limits

“Person wey borrow cloth go party no dey dance too much”
English: Use other people’s things carefully

“Who get big teeth must get big lip”
English: Be ready to solve the problems you create

“Its a small world – Oya make your papa come trek am na”
English: Easier said than done

“Na house wey collapse na im make goat climb am”…
English: People who ordinarily should not be up to you will take advantage of your downfall.


Indoctrination and Terrorism

Image source:


On Peaceful Protests and Protest Organizers

Image by DAVIDAOWENS2013
Some people have a wrong conception of what a peaceful protest is. In our clime, that terminology has been bastardized! Some now think a peaceful protest is just one in which the protesters are not armed. It goes beyond that. A peaceful protest is one that shows displeasure of the protesters without offering fear or threat of harm to anyone. You carry your placard if you like and march in peaceful procession; or take position at a location and stand or sit in but at worst, you march. When you behave as a mob, chanting war songs, hijacking vehicles from their owners or compelling motorists to carry your members; making bonfire on highways, blocking roads and creating fear among the populace, then that protest is no longer peaceful.

The criminal code describes it as a riotous assembly and while it does not call for military force, it certainly calls for police intervention to safeguard the populace. For this, no live ammunition will be employed. The police will use baton, tear gas and water canons to disperse such riotous assembly. If the riotous assembly starts attacking people, looting shops and setting fire to private or public properties then they become looters and arsonists which crimes carry lengthy jail sentences and police may use live ammunition to quell it even when those involved are not armed!
If such becomes widespread and police can no longer contain it then the military will be called in. If that happens, anyone who still need his life will have to disappear from the street. Army does not have tear gas or baton. The minimum they have is a rifle with live ammunition. Unlike the police who are trained to shoot to maim, soldiers are trained to get the heart or the head. They shoot to kill. Once you see them on the streets, you confront them at the risk of death.
Finally, protest organizers need to be told that protests can easily be infiltrated by people who do not share the ideals of the organizers. Touts, looters and thieves can easily hide under the cover of the crowd to perpetrate crimes. People with pent up grievances can unleash bloodthirstiness on innocent residents and motorists. It is important to note that protesters and their organizers bear the responsibility for such if it happens. A mob has no identity. Any member of the protest can therefore be held liable for any deed done by any other member. It is sufficient to establish that the fellow took part in such protest.
The wider political implication is that an action that leads to death of another ethnic nationality in such protests, even if not intended, can trigger a vicious backlash in form of retaliatory attacks in areas far removed from the scene of incident. Those who organize protests should have these thoughts at the back of their mind.
– Remi Adeoye

I Can Wait

Eketi Edima Ette
(This message is mainly for unmarried people like myself, who are trying to navigate the waters of singlehood and still stay chaste).
“Eketi, you don’t get it. I’m actually offering to take away your virginity for free. Men aren’t marrying virgins anymore o. So I’m doing you a favour. Your husband will thank me. You see my babe, she wasn’t a virgin when we met. We men don’t have the energy for you women’s disvirgining drama. See, if you die now without “doing” it’s ants that’ll eat it in the grave o!”
I was 16 years old when this 28 year old man offered to “help me” get rid of my hymen.
When I was ten years old, I thought I knew all about sex. You see, that’s when my mother gave me a detailed sex education; the difference between the penis and the vagina and what happens when the two come together in copulation. She was a biology teacher, so she also drew diagrams.
As she talked, all I wanted was for the ground to open up and swallow me. Embarrassed. Mortified. Discomfited.
But the woman no look my face; she just dey talk dey go.
Unlike some of my friends whose mothers told them they’d get pregnant just by being touched by a man, I didn’t have the benefit of such ignorance. Mum said that as a Christian, my body is the temple of the Holy Spirt and it’d be a wonderful thing for me to honour God with my body. One way of doing so was not to have premarital sex. She also said it’d be a “gift” for my husband.
Along the line, I grew up and decided I wasn’t going to be chaste because of what Mum said or for a man. I was going to do it for me, and because I love Jesus. I would wait till marriage.
When I was 13 and four of my mates got together and decided to have sex as their birthday presents to themselves. When they did, they began to act like they were superior to me. But I paid them no mind.
When the world went crazy and being a virgin became very unfashionable, to the point where some people verbally abused me for being one, and tried to shame me into having sex, I held on. “Sufferhead. The last Nigerian virgn,” they’d say. “You don’t know what you’re missing!” “If you start having sex early, you won’t have pains during childbirth.” Through the lies, I held on.
Sex no get expiry date. Being chaste is nothing to be ashamed of.
When I saw the havoc and the high cost of premarital sex in many lives around me, I held on. When some people would openly boast about their body counts and yet tell me to shut up, that my virginity should be a private matter, I held on.
Some even felt that by being a virgin, I was judging them who weren’t—I still don’t see the logic nor understand the connection sha. We dey waka different roads. How my car come take jam ya car?
Today, I am 29 years old and I am still waiting.
Let me be honest: waiting is darn hard and I am neither Superwoman nor a saint. In fact, it took me years to learn that virginity is useless without sexual purity. I found out the hard way, that watching porn, making out, and doing every-every, without actual penetration only made me an addict and a fraud. My walk to sexual purity was a long and hard one. But through Christ, I made it.
There have been times when konji has nearly killed me. Ayayai! Those times eh, I’ll be like pussycat, looking for somebody to do gum-body with.
There are times when I tell myself, “Which kain suffer be dis sef? Who dey send you work? All these running, praying, playing PS4 and FIFA to distract yourself and baffing cold water—will not help you. Find somborri and do de sontin!”
I’ve had several arguments with Baba God—“Papa, did you really mean pre-marital sex is a sin? Maybe these people misinterpreted what you said—you know, lost in translation kinda thing. Are you sure? Ehen? But what if I do it only once—eezit still bad? Youdonmeanit! Ok nah.”
I’ve seen up close, the kind of intimate bond that sex can bring in a marriage. I know that it’s a beautiful thing.
That’s why I’m waiting for that special man, who will match this special woman, move for move, thrust for thrust. No uncertainties, no comparisons.
I am waiting for that man, who knows that this woman has almost 30 years of bottled up passion to unleash and is ready to receive it all. And when that time come…..hehehehehhe….God help him!
And even if that special man never comes along, I’d still wait.
I wait because I love Baba God and this temple of his deserves honour.

Make or buy decisions – Remita, the TSA and CBN

Source: ThisDay Newspapers

In systems engineering management, one of the concepts we learnt was “make or buy decisions”.  This is the same model used in the “outsourcing vs in-house” decisions in business.
The results of make or buy decisions determine whether an item is to be designed and manufactured at the producer’s facility or purchased from an outside source. (Blanchard: 2004).
The make-or-buy decision is the act of making a strategic choice between producing an item internally (in-house) or buying it externally (from an outside supplier). The buy side of the decision also is referred to as outsourcing.
 Factors that may influence a firm’s decision to buy a part rather than produce it internally include:
1.      Lack of expertise
2.      Suppliers’ research and specialized know-how exceeds that of the buyer
3.      cost considerations (less expensive to buy the item)
4.      Small-volume requirements
5.      Limited production facilities or insufficient capacity
6.      Desire to maintain a multiple-source policy
7.      Indirect managerial control considerations
8.      Procurement and inventory considerations
9.      Brand preference
10.  Item not essential to the firm’s strategy

Remita and TSA
Without the benefit of hindsight, one would argue that point #10 makes this decision to outsource a very questionable one.  Most other considerations, (save for lack of expertise) are weak in defence of this decision.  While lack of expertise (#1) is a very major consideration, the CBN is also reported to have in-house software that has the same basic capabilities as Remita. Surely, a personnel contracting support model, which has contract IT professionals sit in the CBN offices to administer this system, while receiving negotiated remuneration and HR outsourcing surcharge would have been an option here. This would have seen the CBN avoid the huge cost of transaction commissions.

A core part of outsourcing any service or product manufacturing is the legal contract. Several considerations need to be included to cover risks and uncertainties that may favour the business owner or the outsourcing company.
This is something that one hopes the CBN did in their TSA contract with SystemSpecs (Remita). The present uproar is because the processed cash volume drastically increased after this administration decided on a total implementation of the policy on single treasury accounts. With the alleged 1% transaction fees on monies handled, the commission to SystemSpecs will definitely go through the roof. While this is a perfectly legitimate earning for the company, it could be argued that better negotiation could have seen the company still rake in a healthy profit while the government gets to keep some extra billions of valuable Nairas to be employed in critical sectors of the economy. I have heard folks suggesting a reducing scale commission, as used in large real estate transactions, as one of the tactics that should have been considered in the contract.
In conclusion the interests of government and the outsourcing vendor must be considered in the contract. While they should both share in the outcomes arising from an upsurge  or downturn in transaction volume, the interest of the FGN must be paramount and properly covered in the contract. The current state of the economy cannot afford the commissions we are hearing about; and it will become an even bigger concern as tax revenues begin to pour in from government’s efforts at diversifying the economy and plugging holes.

On Whining Children

What every parent should learn is that constantly pandering to the whims and cries of one of their kids will not only create an unhealthy sense of entitlement in that child, but will increase the likelihood of the other kids envying and turning against that sibling. In the end the children will grow up somewhat disunited and will be constantly looking for ways to gang up and antagonize that child, especially when the parents are away from home.

Also, there will be attempts by the other kids to copy the antics of the manipulative child. This usually leads to being spurned by the parents who are by now sick and tired and don’t need another like the spoilt child they now have. This will cause bitterness and a sense of despondency in the copycat child.

So you end up having a spoilt child who will throw tantrums any time they don’t get what they want, sulking ones who think “why not me” and other brooding children just laying in wait to teach the special one a lesson.
Be wise.
And, yes, I am going somewhere with this…think about it.


Post-Election Tribunals and Re-Runs


While I like the fact that the process is being followed and hopefully more legitimacy will come through the judgement outcomes, the cost (financial, disruption in governance, heating up the polity, violence and loss of lives, etc.) is considerable.

For example, did you know that at INEC’s projected $7.9 cost per voter, it would take another N3B (approx.) to hold the Rivers gubernatorial elections? This would bring the total amount spent on getting a governor in Rivers to N6B!!! Note that Rivers has 2,537,590 registered voters with a PVC collection rate of 75.%, and elections will be planned based on the amount of PVCs collected, regardless of who actually turns up.

Another question is; how is this paid for? Is there a budget for election re-runs? What factor is this based on?

At what stage do we also resolve the root and immediate causes of these annulled elections? Systematic issues need to be addressed and consequence should be applied to those responsible for wilfully circumventing the process and carrying out acts of electoral fraud and violence.

Does anyone have facts and figures to show the INEC records on election annulment? Something tells me we would have to hold the world record on this one. The record looks to be abysmal just from at a glance.

That said, we have come a long way from where we “restarted” in 1999 and confidence is gradually returning to our electoral process.


Create a free website or blog at

Up ↑